Christmas Shopping

Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Did you know that you can type "What should I get my wife for Christmas?" into a Google search and get a ton of responses?

It's true.

Out of frustration, because I have a horrible Christmas shopping track record, I mound myself turning to Google for help this year.

In years past I've gone the whole rout of trying to listen to Sheena's "hints" about what she wants for Christmas. Then Christmas day would roll around and it would be revealed that I failed miserably at deciphering what she wanted. "What do you mean you don't want four boxes of that tea? Were you hoping for five?"

This year, at first, I took a new approach. I developed an ingenious way of getting the answers I wanted. I formed a question so brilliant, so simple, so perfect that the most amazing Christmas list ever would be developed. I knew that these seven words were going to deliver the best Christmas presents ever: "Sheena, what do you want for Christmas?"

It's brilliant isn't it?

Here's what I got in response:

- A perfect daughter.

At first I thought, Sweet, I'm done.  But then I grew unsettled.

I wasn't as satisfied with the answer to my question as I hoped. Oh sure, there was also some nonsense in there about a sowing machine (way over our spending limit) and something about a pillow.

A pillow?

Here's why Sheena is not going to be getting a pillow from me for Christmas: For the past two years she's be in pursuit of "the perfect pillow." We have a room full of pillows as a result of her vain efforts. I imagine that she could Frankenstein a pillow together of all the parts of the worthless pillows that she has "invested" in. Pillow shopping has become something of a hobby for her--right along with pillow complaining four days later.

I don't believe that my efforts will change things so I'm moving on.

And without her help I turned to the internet.

So you can Google "What should I get my wife for Christmas?" but I'm warning you, the answers there aren't very helpful either. You get the male responses (flowers, bath stuff, spa package) which some women might like, but mostly you get women weighing in on how your wife really needs a new husband: perhaps one who doesn't turn to the internet for help in shopping for her.

So then I made two lists. The first is of all the stuff I know she does not like: bath stuff topped that list pretty easily.

The second list was all the stuff I want. This list proved very helpful. Do you remember that Seinfeld episode where George Costanza made all his decisions by thinking of what he would normally do and then doing the opposite? I basically looked at the list of what I wanted and then bought the opposite.

I'll let you know how that works out.