Samson on...Revenge

We’ve been learning a lot about life from Samson. Here now are Samson’s thoughts on revenge:

“I merely did to them what they did to Me.” – Samson (Judges 15:11)

That’s right, I did to them what they did to me. That is revenge Samson style. Let me explain to all of you the equivalents.

Foiling Your Scheme By Threatening To Kill Your Wife If She Doesn’t Get The Answer To Your Riddle = Killing 30 Men

Great restraint was shown here. It would have been so easy to kill the 30 men who threatened my wife’s life. I didn’t hurt them. I merely hurt 30 of their countrymen. I didn’t have the money to make good on my promise so I had to resort to this.

Your Wife Being Married Off To Your Best Man After You Storm Out In The Middle Of The Wedding = Sending Out 150 Pairs Of Foxes-On-Fire To Destroy The Crops

I know it doesn’t seem here like I only did to them what they did to me, but let me explain. The anguish of the situation left me not wanting to eat for several days. So I made sure they wouldn’t eat for several months. I had to be thorough, and make sure they couldn’t get a cup of flour from their neighbours.

Burning My Wife And Father-In-Law To Death = Killing As Many Philistines As I Can

It was really hard to tell who did it, so I went after as many as I could. Again, God doesn’t like it when you only half do a job. So, I killed everyone I could get my hands on. To be fair, I should have burned them to death, but I hear that’s really painful and harsh, so I let them off easy with a crushed skull.

Intimidating My Fellow Countrymen Into Handing Me Over To You While I am Camping In A Cave = Killing The 1000 Men Who Did The Intimidating

Dear Philistines: there are two lessons I hope you learn from this. 1. Don’t be intimidating my fellow Israelites. 2. If you come at me with 1000 men I’ll kill you all. If you come after me with 3000 men I’ll go quietly. Oh yeah, there’s a third. I’ll do to you what you did to me.

Gouging Out My Eyes = Killing Everyone In The Temple Who Is Laughing At A Blind Man

This is really a victory of blind people everywhere. I know that not everyone in the temple that day had a hand in gouging out my eyes. I’m pretty sure that only one guy actually did the gouging, but they were all laughing at me. Listen People: it is not entertainment to watch a blind guy try to find his way around a temple.

What They Do To You Must Equal What You Do To Them

Some say that revenge always escalates. I think that is a wrong approach. Because if you ramp it up then they will ramp it up, and it gets ugly real quick. However, if you only do to them what they did to you, things will remain civil. And you’ll be able to sleep at night knowing that you merely did to them what they did to you.

Samson on...Showing Love

Well, I've been in the life of Samson the last couple weeks, and I'm beginning to wish Samson wrote a few books. I can only imagine the advice he would have for leaders, or lovers, or bee keepers. Since he never took the time to write it out I will. Here is Samson's advice on relationships.

Know What You Want, Want What You Know
If you see a woman who's appealing, go after her. Let no one stand in your way. It doesn't matter if you don't know her. You'll have the rest of your life to get to know her. And let no one stand in your way. If people oppose your decision in a woman, be firm as you state the importance she has in your life. In other words: don't let your mom and dad stand in your way.

And don't waste time "playing the field." Go after the first pretty one you see. And don't let her dad try and sell you on her sister. Doesn't matter if the sister is more beautiful. You saw the older one first and you called dibs.

Don't Let Anything Keep You From a Date
Not a lion, not anything. If a Lion attacks you, show it who's boss. It's carcass my produce a snack for later.

Get Your Parents Involved
Two important truths: 1. Parents love to set their kids up 2. Women love men who love their moms. If a woman sees that your parents are involved in setting you up, she'll think that you're in touch with your emotional side. You're not. You're just lazy and want your parents to do the hard work or dealing with future in-law's. But she doesn't need to know that. Let her believe you're emotional and sensitive. Way to score major points.

Win Her Over With Clever Riddles Posed To Her Relatives
If you are concerned that she'll find you simple and dumb, show her how clever you can be by coming up with an awesome riddle. Riddles are intellectually stimulating. What woman doesn't love knowing that her man can be intellectual? This may also be a good chance for you to increase your wardrobe, and impress her with new threads.

Don't Just Get Mad, Get Away
Arguments will happen. It's inevitable. After a fight take off for a while. I mean a long while. Leave in a huff too so that she knows you're really steamed this time. If she thinks you're never coming back then she'll really know how badly she messed up.

Bring Home Gifts
Every woman loves to get gifts. It's a universal love language. Gifts are great to give for all occasions. Give a gift when you've messed up and you want to say "I'm sorry." Give a gift when you're coming home after being out of town for a while. Give a gift to celebrate harvest. Give a gift to say: "Yes, we're still married even thought I took off in a huff after the wedding, and we haven't spoken since, and you and your father thought I thoroughly hated you." Just don't give a gift "just because." That's for sissy's.

The best gifts are practical and cost you nothing. For example, you might want to go fishing for a delicious bass. Or steal a goat. Women love to get goats. They can keep them for milk (the gift that keeps on giving), or they can eat them. Don't give pigs. For some reason that has never worked out for me.

Pet Names Show Love
Pet names can be tricky, but show your woman how much you love her. It's important to use a name that actually could be given to a pet. Heifer, has been a favorite of mine to use. It works like a charm.

A Healthy Relationship Is Full of Secrets
Most people will tell you that you shouldn't keep secrets from the one you love. I take a different approach. The one you love isn't going to love you if they know everything about you. Keep secrets it will keep the love alive. What woman is still going to love you if she knew the only reason you are strong is because you have long hair? She should think you are invincible.

If You Suspect Your Woman Has Agreed To Hand You Over For A Large Sum Of Money, Don't Tell Her The Secret Of Your Strength And Then Fall Asleep On Her Lap
I had to learn this one the hard way. Trust me, you can always get another woman. If you suspect your woman has sold you out for a large sum of money get out of there as fast as you can.

Maybe it's just how you spin it.

Let's play a little game of complete the phrase.

"When the going gets tough, the tough get ____________"

Going right?

Have you ever considered how different this would be if you added a word after going?

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going home."

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going to bed."

Or how about?

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going to a cave."

I'm in the middle of preparing a couple sermons on Samson. If you're not familiar with this lovable Old Testament Judge then let me briefly summarize his life:

And angle told his parents they would have a son and he was to be a Nazarene. That meant, no cutting the hair, no eating or drinking anything off of a grape vine and a few other rules. His first marriage didn't survive the wedding feast. He was to be married to a Philistine woman, but at the wedding he posed a riddle to his supplied attendants hoping to get rich of them. The riddle was good, so good they couldn't answer it without help. They threatened to kill Samson's wife and family if she didn't get the answer for them. She turned on the waterworks and he gave up the answer and as a result had to pay the guests. To pay them he went out and robbed and killed a bunch of their country men. Then he took off. Thinking that she was abandoned and left for good, her father married her off to someone else--Samson's best man. Some time later Samson returned to get his wife and when he found out she was married to someone else he snapped. He tied torches to 150 pairs of foxes and let them loose in their fields destroying their crops. Because of this the Philistines killed Samson's "wife" and her father by setting them on fire. This prompts Samson to go on a rampage killing many Philistines. Later he kills a thousand Philistines with a donkey's jaw bone. To escape capture he once tore the towns gate from the wall, posts and all, and carried it to the top of a hill.

Undoubtedly Samson is a pretty tough guy.

I wouldn't want to pick a fight with him.

As a kid in Sunday school we'd hear the stories of Samson and marvel at his strength. He was the tough guy who knocked down a temple. We'd get a King James Bible because instead of donkey it said ass.*

As a teen and young adult, Samson's life was always held out as an example of what not to do. Don't lust after women. Don't seek revenge. Don't be impulsive.

Now it's seems Samson did nothing right.

He's become the poster child of what not to do.

Yet, he was God's chosen. Not only was he chosen, Samson was made specifically to be the leader of Israel. He was God's chosen to lead his chose people.

I would love to speak positively of Samson. I'd love to be able to say look at Samson he did this right.

I'd love it if these two sermons on Samson aren't prepetuations of the same old.

But I'm kinda stuck.

He fails to grasp hold of every positive in his life.

His life was full of grace. Yet he's constantly living in his own strength and capabilities instead of seeing what God can do.

He's given leadership of God's people, yet instead of inspriring and calling them to action, he goes out alone. The only time he seems to unite Israel is when 3,000 of them band to gether to hand him over to the Philistines.

Then again, maybe it's just how you spin it.

Samson was a strong leader who led all of Israel out from the oppression of the Philistines. He united them in a common cause. He amazed all, and thousands would gather to see him perform simple tasks like grinding grain. It was said of him that even his death was a victory.

Okay, I'm not giving up the search for the positive just yet.



*Yes, yes it was a Baptist Church.