Apology Letters Vol. 3

Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Dear Smart Cars:

I'm sorry, but the claims made by your title are not impressive enough to lure me into buying one of you.

I mean, they did. There was once a time when I thought you were grand. However, it seems smart just doesn't cut it anymore. My hard earned dollars tend to purchase products that are at the genius level. Take our diapers for example: they're bum genius.

See what they did there? There are smart diapers, sure, but what consumer is going to buy smart when he can have "genius?" I'm sure the bum genius people knew this and so worked hard at becoming the geniuses of the diaper world. Or at least figured no one would question it and called themselves genius anyways.

I appreciate smart, but times are tough, I need to spend more wisely. Perhaps you would entice me to buy you if you worked at picking up your IQ a bit. I might buy a Genius Car.

Which I'm sure puts you in a tough position. There are a lot of intelligent automobiles out there. I hear there's a car that parallel parks itself. That's incredible. Can you do that?

Maybe that's not the point. Maybe that's not what makes a product all that intelligent. Using the diapers I do means fewer diapers in a landfill, and knowing how to produce less garbage makes me feel like a genius. Perhaps if driving you could make me feel like a genius, then it would all work out, but I've got to say, I've never seen a smart car driver that looked all that smart.

But perhaps their brilliance is in figuring out how to fit all their luggage in the trunk.

And perhaps I've misunderstood you, and what makes you smart, all along, and for that I am sorry.


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