Ice Ice Baby

I walked to work today. I didn’t want to.

This morning as I scrapped the ice off my wife’s car it was twenty degrees below freezing. And it had snowed lots on the weekend. It was not pleasant conditions for the thirty-five minute walk to work.

I didn’t want to walk to work today, but my van wouldn’t start. Prior to this past June my Volkswagen spent its entire life on Vancouver Island. It isn’t used to the cold.

Neither am I.

I set my iPod to shuffle and began my walk.

Vanilla Ice came on. Minutes before I gave my nose the same nickname.

Of the thousand plus songs on my iPod “Ice Ice Baby” was the soundtrack for my walk. Proof Steve Jobs really does know everything.

Last night while going to bed Sheena told me, “If you walk to work this week wear a gloves, a toque and a scarf.”

In my head was, “If I walk? There’s no way I’m walking to work when the forecasted daily highs are –11 or colder.” I said, “sure thing honey.”

I wore the gloves. If you see my left ear lobe I’d like it back. It’s not that I have any use for it anymore, but I’m sentimentally attached.

Especially since I’m no longer physically attached.

It’s not that I wanted to be cold; it’s just that I don’t like toques because they don’t flatter the shape of my head. My hair is a better compliment. Toques show off its massive shape. They leave nothing to the imagination. At least with my hair you’re left wondering, “How much of that thing is hair and how much is head?” Oh, and I don’t have a scarf. I guess I’m as ill prepared for the cold as my Volkswagen.

It was sunny today too. That threw me off. On the island sunny equals warm. Here the sun lies to me.

Sheena should have told me to wear sunglasses. Now I can hardly see. I hope that explains the typos.

I don’t know that I would have worn sunglasses. I leave them in my van. I don’t imagine putting sub zero metal frames on my face would be comfortable.

I don’t blame her; I’m just saying she should have warned me. She knows these things. She lived for two years in a place that has real winters. She’s winter wise. That’s why her vehicle starts in the cold

When I applied for this job all sorts of good people told me that winters aren’t that cold here. It turns out cold is a relative thing. And that they are all liars.

I’m so gullible.

These good people also told me it hardly ever snows here. “Just a couple inches all winter” they said. “And it’s usually gone the next day.” They lie so much here.

Why did I believe them?

I’m so gullible.

“Yesterday in church a guy told me we had more snow this weekend then all of last year.”

I don’t believe him.

I’m not falling for it any more.