Samson on...Showing Love

Thursday, July 16, 2009
Well, I've been in the life of Samson the last couple weeks, and I'm beginning to wish Samson wrote a few books. I can only imagine the advice he would have for leaders, or lovers, or bee keepers. Since he never took the time to write it out I will. Here is Samson's advice on relationships.

Know What You Want, Want What You Know
If you see a woman who's appealing, go after her. Let no one stand in your way. It doesn't matter if you don't know her. You'll have the rest of your life to get to know her. And let no one stand in your way. If people oppose your decision in a woman, be firm as you state the importance she has in your life. In other words: don't let your mom and dad stand in your way.

And don't waste time "playing the field." Go after the first pretty one you see. And don't let her dad try and sell you on her sister. Doesn't matter if the sister is more beautiful. You saw the older one first and you called dibs.

Don't Let Anything Keep You From a Date
Not a lion, not anything. If a Lion attacks you, show it who's boss. It's carcass my produce a snack for later.

Get Your Parents Involved
Two important truths: 1. Parents love to set their kids up 2. Women love men who love their moms. If a woman sees that your parents are involved in setting you up, she'll think that you're in touch with your emotional side. You're not. You're just lazy and want your parents to do the hard work or dealing with future in-law's. But she doesn't need to know that. Let her believe you're emotional and sensitive. Way to score major points.

Win Her Over With Clever Riddles Posed To Her Relatives
If you are concerned that she'll find you simple and dumb, show her how clever you can be by coming up with an awesome riddle. Riddles are intellectually stimulating. What woman doesn't love knowing that her man can be intellectual? This may also be a good chance for you to increase your wardrobe, and impress her with new threads.

Don't Just Get Mad, Get Away
Arguments will happen. It's inevitable. After a fight take off for a while. I mean a long while. Leave in a huff too so that she knows you're really steamed this time. If she thinks you're never coming back then she'll really know how badly she messed up.

Bring Home Gifts
Every woman loves to get gifts. It's a universal love language. Gifts are great to give for all occasions. Give a gift when you've messed up and you want to say "I'm sorry." Give a gift when you're coming home after being out of town for a while. Give a gift to celebrate harvest. Give a gift to say: "Yes, we're still married even thought I took off in a huff after the wedding, and we haven't spoken since, and you and your father thought I thoroughly hated you." Just don't give a gift "just because." That's for sissy's.

The best gifts are practical and cost you nothing. For example, you might want to go fishing for a delicious bass. Or steal a goat. Women love to get goats. They can keep them for milk (the gift that keeps on giving), or they can eat them. Don't give pigs. For some reason that has never worked out for me.

Pet Names Show Love
Pet names can be tricky, but show your woman how much you love her. It's important to use a name that actually could be given to a pet. Heifer, has been a favorite of mine to use. It works like a charm.

A Healthy Relationship Is Full of Secrets
Most people will tell you that you shouldn't keep secrets from the one you love. I take a different approach. The one you love isn't going to love you if they know everything about you. Keep secrets it will keep the love alive. What woman is still going to love you if she knew the only reason you are strong is because you have long hair? She should think you are invincible.

If You Suspect Your Woman Has Agreed To Hand You Over For A Large Sum Of Money, Don't Tell Her The Secret Of Your Strength And Then Fall Asleep On Her Lap

I had to learn this one the hard way. Trust me, you can always get another woman. If you suspect your woman has sold you out for a large sum of money get out of there as fast as you can.