Rappin' with my Saviour

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I struck up a conversation with God this morning as I walked to work. It was a beautiful morning with blue skies, dry air and sub freezing temperatures. The conversation was a casual one, the kind that you might have with a fried. I love that being justified makes way for such intimate moments with God—moments where we can simply chat, or rap with my Saviour as the kids would say back in the 90’s*.

I love conversing with God in this relaxed manner. Prayer stripped of its formal posturing feels more genuine. I feel closer to God in those moments: like I can more easily see Him.

But now after today, I’m wondering if I’m seeing God, or if I’m only seeing a presupposition of God.

Here’s what happened: while praying I found myself explaining to God what I said and why, and what I really meant by my comments—as if He didn’t understand me. I often only explain myself in that way when I feel as though I’m being misunderstood. It’s a classic sign that I’m rapidly becoming defensive. I often get defensive when I get insecure. Insecurity leads to defensiveness.

But why would I get that way with God?

Why would I feel insecure?

Why would I think He didn’t understand my heart?

Why would I feel the need to explain myself as if He didn’t know me?

My prayer revealed something. I have, despite my attempts at being genuine, made subconscious assumptions about Him. I assumed that He is like other people. With others I sometimes feel the need to explain what I mean. I know that I don’t always clearly communicate what’s in my heart and that leads to confusion.

My subconscious assumption of God was, ultimately, that He could only know of me what others knew of me.

I was imposing on God human limitations that He is not bound to.

God understands me. God knows my heart even when my words don’t properly reveal what’s in there. And God knew everything about me before I was born.

God knows me.

How often do we have inherent assumptions about God that are far from true? Do we, often without realizing it, assume things about Him that are false? I would never say that God doesn’t know my heart, but apparently, I act as if He doesn’t. While I would never say that God doesn’t understand me, I explain myself away to Him as if He doesn’t.

I don’t think God needs me to do that.

So what does your language with God reveal? What are your actions or words really saying? Are there subconscious assumptions you’re making about God that are far from true about His nature?

May we live out the truth of our great God and Saviour. May we be people who know God fully and not place our insecurities, and the limitations of humans on Him.

*or did the cool kids stop saying that in the 80’s and it was just that I was a big nerd who took ten years to catch on.